not getting along so well

As a teenager and even early 20-something I always would say, “I just don’t get along with other girls”. I thought that I was just a girl who did better with guy friends. Truth be told, I didn’t really care much about having guys as friends as much as receiving the attention they gave me. I just said I liked them as friends to justify it all in my own mind. But as I have gotten older, I have heard it come from the mouths of other girls too. It apparently is a pretty common statement. And yes, there are aspects of relationships with other women that are just not appealing. I for some reason always compare how I look to them (i.e. makeup, clothes, body, etc), there is usually more drama, you never really know what the other girl thinks of something or you don’t think you can speak your own mind, so on and so on. But I really don’t think those are the reasons I have stayed away from friendships with other females all of those years.

I in no way can speak for other women who have made the above statement, but I really do believe I have pursued friendships/relationships with guys more than girls because I felt more secure with myself… I was more affirmed (in a not so healthy way). I also stayed away from challenging the lies in my own head that I am not good enough, or even avoided challenging myself to be better. You see, in the past probably four or five years I have been pulled away from close relationships with men (besides with Tim, and he is seriously my best friend) due to being married. I was really lonely in the first couple of years of marriage b/c I did not know how to invest in relationships with other women. I literally would beg God to send me women to be friends with. And finally, after a couple of years, He answered my prayer (in HIS perfect timing).

Over the past couple of years I have really developed new friendships with other women. And honestly, they are completely different than relationships with guys. In no way am I stating that any past friendships with guys were not good, just different. Friendships with other women have challenged me to get over myself, to realize the purpose of the friendship is not to uplift my ownself, to learn how to really affirm one another in a way that has no hidden agenda, to be able to spur one another on to be better and it always be considered appropriate. I am a totally self-centered person a lot of the time. These new friendships have forced me to be even more real with myself and with others. Now, I might be a little too real at times, but I am SO much more comfortable with who I am. And yes, since beginning this season there has been drama, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, insecurities and so much more; but I have for some reason also been pushed to work through them moreso than ever before. I am thankful for every bit of that drama b/c it has made me better. I am becoming more secure in my Saviour than in myself or what someone else can offer me.

So, if you are a female and think you just can’t get along with other girls, I would like to challenge you to look deeper to find out why. Are you just allowing yourself to live in your own insecurities? Are you living a life unchallenged? I know I have and still do, but I am working on it and am SO glad for every new friendship God has brought into my life.

I know this is all so random, but I read another blog today and just in passing she mentioned she just struggled to connect with other women. You may not be hiding from your fear of connecting with other women in seeking attention from other guys, but you may be hiding from it in taking care of the details or just immersing yourself in the life of your kids. That is wonderful to be super involved with your kids, most definitely. But they also need to see you living out healthy friendships with others if they are ever going to know how to invest in others as well.

Also, this whole “seeking attention from guys” thing is something I dealt with in my past, hardcore. But, the Lord has saught me out, opened my eyes and healed me from it, mostly with a stubborn, thick skinned husband who loves me SO much and is unbelieveably loyal. He has allowed me to talk through this struggle and even prayed over me about it. For that I am incredibily thankful to be released from that stronghold. HE truly is good and faithful.

I can see!

Oh how wonderful are all of the many changes pregnancy brings to a woman’s body! Um, kidding. They are not all wonderful, but not too bad. Definitely worth the outcome! One of the crazy changes I had was to my vision. I just got new glasses last October, and then when I got pregnant started getting awful headaches. I stopped wearing my glasses for a day or so, and although my vision was not repaired, no more headaches. I was told my several women not to get my glasses fixed because my vision could go back after pregnancy. So that is just great. I sit at a computer all day, and have to have fuzzy vision. No headaches, but my ability to see is that of a slightly intoxicated person.

In the past couple of weeks my vision is increasingly getting worse, still w/o the headaches. So today I have decided to give the glasses another go. I can see clearly again! But… I have had the glasses on for an hour and already feel a headache starting in the back of my eyeballs and spreading. Has anyone else had changes like this? I know about the shoe size changes, but my vision. Come on now!

Again, it is all worth it if I get my little guy. I am loving feeling him kick and get the hiccups. He has only had them a couple of times now, but so cute! Also, I found this little hat for him since he will be born in the midst of winter. I seriously can barely contain myself every time I see it 🙂 Don’t you just love it?!

I want to…

A lot of people out there create lists of things that they want to do one day. Honestly, I am a fickle person and my list probably changes pretty often. But right now, these are the things that have remained consistent for awhile now:

1. learn archery
2. read thru the entire Bible
3. own a gecko
4. go back to the Philippines
5. fly a kite
6. go hunting and make my own meal from what I bring back
7. go on a camping trip that last at least a couple of nights
8. learn to fish… and do it well
9. adopt
10. birth a baby
11. live on a farm

Okay, these all seem pretty simple, but hey I’m a simple girl.

What is on your list?

upcoming posts…

Lately I have been trying to figure out common happenings in my life that I could document on here. You know, like people who are crafty or good with their camera or adding to their family (by adoption or pregnancy) or great cooks or are living in another country. Only… I am none of those things. So what in the world could I tell you about on a regular basis? After some thought, I think I have come up with a couple of goods topics. I hope I don’t bore you too much, but these are just things that keep me entertained and going… or at least adds to it. And right now it is a bit past my bedtime, so I am just going to bullet point them for you.

• Sleep-walking Hubby: My husband sleepwalks, every. night. No joke. This is such an odd thing to deal with (one that I was NOT warned about before the wedding). And oh yes, I HAVE to deal with it. I have to wake up when he gets up or else he will get into stuff he shouldn’t while walking in your sleeping. And b/c you are not supposed to wake up a sleepwalker (right?) I just gently guide him along. Even then he gets very upset with me (while still asleep) if a jar him too much. Then the next morning he never remembers a thing. Sometimes he doesn’t even believe the stories. I’ll now be sharing some of those stories with you. And for those of you who already know some of the crazier things he has done, please note that I will be leaving those OUT b/c, well quite frankly, I don’t want to be locked out of my own house. And for those of you who don’t know anything about this, you now know that he does things in his sleep that are crazy enough to be left out of documentation. Thank goodness he doesn’t get on Facebook or read my blog. Let’s keep that one between you and me 😉
• The loyal pup: My dog Kansas absolutely loves me. I am not boasting in the least. In fact, it can be annoying at times. She always thinks she has to be right by my side. It does get cute though when she positions herself sitting right next to me, but then acts like she doesn’t notice me (even though she is literally peaking at me in the corner of her eye). It’s like she is saying, “Here I am just in case you would like to love on me!” I’ll be sharing the occasional picture of ridiculous and/or cute times that she has made her presence known. I’ll share one with you now. See, isn’t she so sweet?! I was making the bed, turned around to grab a pillowcase and when I turned back around I found this:

Kansas, being ridiculous

Notice she is not looking at me directly. See… just casually making herself available to be loved on.

• Workin’ on the ole abode: This past week I have been inspired. I have spent quite a bit of time over here and while I will by no means be doing renovations like they have, I will be making some home improvements. This past month I have done quite a bit to our condo. (It’s about time, we have nearly lived here a year!) While doing these projects I have discovered how much I really like to assemble and build things. So, hopefully, armed with my dad’s love for carpentry (you know, passed down to me) and my husband’s tools, I’ll be able to make some adjustments to our little home… and document them here. I already have one project finished and ready to share with you… but not tonight. Soon though 🙂

Ok, that’s all for now. I am sure there are other regular topics in my life, but these are what I will concentrate on for now, along with other random rantings that go through my head. I hope you enjoy reading 🙂

 

thought of the moment…

If I ignore my checking account and the lack of funds, do you think the problem won’t exist? I am going to say yes…. well, wish yes at least.

Also, don’t you just love how I haven’t blogged in 5 months and just jump back on like we were in mid-conversation? Hey, it’s what I do.

too much…

I feel like that is what Indonesia is going through right now. I am astounded to hear about and look at pictures from what is going on there now. Have you heard? They had an earthquake, tsunami and volcano eruption all in a matter of days. And Haiti. After the earthquake and floods they are now struggling to survive cholera. What devastation. My heart is broken for them. How can they handle this much? I want to pray for them, but where do I start. I feel like this is one of those moments that I just ask for the Holy Spirit to hear my prayer through my broken heart, through my confusion, through my desperation for these countries. No words, just massive emotions.

Jesus, do a mighty work that only you can do. But let us see that it is You who allowed this and we should fear you as well as love you.

Our lives can end just. like. that. With no warning. May we make much of HIM who rescues & redeems our soul and doesn’t always concentrate on keeping our earthly, temporary, bodies healthy/alive.

If you have not seen anything of the events in Indonesia, here is a link to BIG Picture on Boston.com. Just a warning: Some of the pictures can be graphic.

tomato, tomato…

My husband makes fun of me for how I pronounce “clothes”. I make sure you can hear the “th” when I say the word, while he says it more like “close”.

How do you say the word? Are there other words you say that you might pronounce a little differently than others?

my new (sort of) love

I have always LOVED dancing. I mean really. Only, I am not coordinated, am quite clumsy, non-athletic and well, I just can’t pull it off. So that left me just dancing in the privacy of my home usually at the end of a dance movie (my favorite being this one). I have never really thought that it was a good idea to dance out in public since I really don’t know what I am doing, I just want to get out there to attempt to move to a really fun beat. So I haven’t… until recently.

Two weekends ago I coordinated a wedding for the amazingly fabulous Ethan and Sarah. I LOVED working with these two and their families. I mean honestly, I don’t think I could have felt more comfortable and loved by anyone else that I don’t really know 🙂 One thing that Sarah said to me while in the planning process was she really hoped people would dance at her wedding. Of course she did! Any bride hiring a DJ wants dancing b/c it is FUN! So, while at the reception, I took it upon myself to start a circle where people would jump in the middle to showcase their moves. (There were already a ton of people dancing b/c the DJ’s were great, I just wanted a little more!) Well, every once and awhile people would get shy, and b/c I wanted my bride to be happy, I would jump in there, bust a move then pull someone else in the middle. Can I just tell you: I LOVED IT. It was SO much fun!! Do you know that I got her Nana out there! She was precious and danced right along with me! I’ll just say again, I absolutely LOVED their families!

Also, Ethan and Sarah’s AH-MAZING photographer, Caroline, ended up doing the worm across the dance floor! That girl is SO much fun. And SO talented (with her dance and photography skillz 😉 )! Check out this link for a preview of the wedding pics. Also, in the right picture you can see a crazy person on the other side of Sarah (the bride) dancing with her hair all in her face. Yeah, that’d be me.

Of course now, I want to bust a move anyplace that has music. Yesterday at the mall I started mildly dancing in Forever 21. Then today I was in the Verizon store and they had Salt ‘N’ Pepa’s “Whatta Man” playing. I couldn’t help laughing to myself (meaning, I was standing there by myself laughing, probably causing everyone there to think I was a crazy person) thinking about how I was THIS CLOSE to dancing in the middle of Verizon!

I may have started something… I’ll let you know if I actually do end up showing my moves in a public place where dancing is not encouraged.

Perfect Timing… Nissandra is no more

I want to take a moment to brag on my God right now. To do this, I need to tell you a little story about the past couple of months in my life.

My husband and I bought a condo in May. We LOVE it. We really do. It has been the perfect first home (that we own) for us. Because we purchased a home, we were expecting to get the first time home buyers tax credit. Now if you know us, you know my husband has a really old truck. You will also know how much he loves his truck. He has named it and even gets defensive if I speak ill of said truck (thank goodness he does not read my blog nor get on Facebook!). His truck is a 24 year old Toyota 4×4 Pickup. If you are a guy, you would most likely marvel at it, rust and all. If you are a girl, you would most likely feel sorry for me when I have to drive the thing. But, to its defense, it is A LOT of fun to drive it when there is snow and ice on the roads. It does not effect it whatsoever. SO much fun. Anyways, I am rambling, we really thought that Bee (the truck, named after Bumblebee on Transformers 🙂 would die before Nissandra (my little 11 year old Nissan Sentra). Both have been GREAT vehicles, besides a ton few major minor hiccups along the way. Regardless, you would think, you would THINK the car would outlast the truck.

So, b/c of all of this way of thinking, when we got the housing tax credit, we were planning on trading the truck in along with a good down payment for a new (to us) vehicle. That was the plan the WHOLE time. And while we had this plan, it took longer than I would have thought for the said tax credit to come in. I messed up the paperwork (b/c I tried to do it all myself, not knowing what I was doing whatsoever), so it was sent back to us telling us to redo it. I was really frustrated and stressed out because of all of this. I really thought we needed the tax credit asap. But I was not expecting it until December, hopefully. Well, about three weeks ago we received a letter in the mail from the IRS stating they had received all of our paperwork, everything was good to go and we should receive our payment in three to four weeks. We were excited, but also antsy.

While all this is going on (all of this meaning everyday checking the mail box only to come up empty handed – no check), my car, Nissandra, breaks down at a busy intersection in town… during lunch hour. Lately it has sounded a little too much one of those VW cars that has the diesel engine (that’s right, right?), only it does not in fact have a diesel engine. As I was sitting at this intersection waiting for my green light, I realize how quiet Nissandra all of a sudden is. I look at my dash to discover she has died. Only, it didn’t jump the way a five-speed usually does when you it stalls. So, as I try to restart it, I find that it won’t restart. I was SO embarrassed b/c I was the first car in a long line of vehicles waiting for a green light, and now my car won’t budge (the Lord has also been teaching me about my own pride and humbling me quite a bit lately, which is for another post). So while I call Tim, the nice man in the car behind me comes up to my car and offers to push me out of the way. I felt so bad for him b/c no one offered to help him (I was steering and he was pushing my car by himself), but SO grateful for him.

Anyway, a long story short, we had my car towed. We also had some AMAZING friends let us borrow one of their vehicles so we would not have to rely on Tim’s truck (that just wouldn’t start on Sunday, but then decided to start on Monday) or rent a car.

We got a call yesterday from the mechanic. It will cost at least $1,400 to fix my car, and possibly another $1,000. I said to the man, “Well that sounds more than it is worth”, then he replied with a simple, “Yes ma’am”. Great. I told Tim, “Who would have thought Nissandra would go out before Bee!” and he replied, “Well I would”. Of course. Always loyal TO A TRUCK.

So, I started looking all over the internet for good deals on vehicles for me, since we do not have the tax credit in yet, and no one will take my car as a trade in now that it has kicked it. Tim and I discussed our options, but weren’t stressed out about it. I have no idea why, but we really weren’t stressed. Tim had an unusually free Thursday night, so we went out on a date. After we got back we strolled down to the mailbox to check the mail. Guess what was in there: the check! After us BOTH doing a happy dance and praising God in the parking lot, we then talked about the perfect timing in all of this.

Here it is: the point to this post :):

If we would have gotten the check ANY earlier, we would have most definitely traded in the truck with the money as a down payment for a new vehicle. Then we would have a newer vehicle with a payment, then my car would have died. Then we would have had to, at some point, need to get another vehicle with a payment. Not ideal for our situation. But because the check came in the SAME day we found out Nissandra is gone forever, we will (hopefully) have a vehicle that will last at least a year longer + a reliable vehicle with no payment. Now we know which vehicle will be able to do that.

How GOOD is our GOD! HIS timing is PERFECT. I was just thinking this morning how pointless my anxiety and frustration was about getting all of the paperwork turned in and get the process complete. That was MY timing, not His. He knows what is going on. He has got it under control.

Okay, like I said, I just wanted to take a moment to brag 🙂

Tell me about a time when it was evident God’s timing is perfect in your life.

a new season…

I feel like I am in a new season in my life. Everything has just seemed to change. I just accepted additional responsibilities at work (which I am STOKED about), we moved into an amazing condo, I feel like the Lord is giving me new direction into which ministries to be a part of at church, the Lord is doing some amazing things within my marriage, and there is probably much more but that is what I can think of for now. I really do feel like God is calling me out of my comfort zone. This is the first time in a LONG time that I have actually even tried to listen to what He wants for me and not what I want for me. But don’t get me wrong, I know I am going to screw this all up. I have spent pretty much my entire born again life thinking that I should just give up because I knew I would mess up. I have just recently (and am still) learned that there is freedom in that!

Last week, I read from Oswald Chambers that Jesus did not put His faith and trust in others, but in God alone. He wasn’t cynical and bitter towards others, He just knew they were humans and would ultimately fail. I feel like I am learning to not be so needy with others through that. But then, to take it a bit further, I am learning to not put all (or any) faith in myself to keep up this whole Christian way of living. I AM going to fail. I am going to screw things up. But there is beauty and freedom in that! When things are going great, He is there. When things feel/are all wrong, He is there. I am so glad that it does not all depend on me. As I have shown for the last 27 years, I would be a mess if it did!

I have no idea what I intended with this post. Just wanted to say a friendly hello. I am excited to see all of the new changes that are going on in my life. Some I am more eager for some than others, but they are all good 🙂 I’ll keep you updated.

Btw, I just recently bought my first tent! I really hope to start camping more often. Tim says we have to wait until it cools down, but I am really excited!