Category: Marriage


nagging? or accountability?

My husband and I are going on 4 years of marriage. And can I just say, we could not be more different (but we couldn’t be matched any better). Anyone who knows us would agree. One major difference is I like to talk out everything. I mean, I don’t think I can fully process something unless I talk it out. He on the other hand is the type who holds the thought process of, “Baby, I told you that I love you once before… was that not enough?” (That’s not really true about telling me he loves me… well not completely. But it is about many other things). With wanting to talk out everything, I like to talk out our plan to get things done. Tim is also the type that will totally forget that I even told him, even though I told him 4 times over the past two weeks, that we have plans tomorrow and he should be ready. (You should also know that I plan out exactly when to tell him of said plans so he will hopefully remember them).

Now I am fully aware that this can, at some point, come across as nagging. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am real good at nagging. This morning I asked Tim if we could go the whole day without him picking on me. He said yes and asked if we could go the whole day w/o me nagging or bossing him around. I said yes as well. But then I asked him if we could sit down and talk out where the line is between nagging and holding accountable. He said yes, but probably not today πŸ™‚

I have also learned to let a lot go over the past four years. There was no way I could live the rest of my life wanting to control as much as I did when we were first married. But I still have a looong way to go.

So, since I am most certainly not an expert on marriage and will forever be learning how to be a good and godly wife, I want your opinion. Where is that line? What do you think? And I’d love to hear your stories on how you learned this. I have some pretty comical ones myself!

A couple of weeks ago I had the honor of coordinating Ethan & Sarah’s wedding. can I just say, this couple, along with their families, are amazing. I have never felt so comfortable and loved during a time where I could potentially be stressed out! They were so great.Β  These people have a special place in my heart after spending many hours with them planning such a great evening. I have seldom met people who love Jesus and love people quite so well.

One of the things I was most excited about while coordinating their wedding was their photographer: Caroline Fontenot. I have seen her work from two or three other weddings in this area, and let me tell ya: the girl has got skillz. She was SO much fun to work with and so laid back. It did not feel like we were working along side one another at the wedding b/c she was SO stress free to work with. She just kind of did her thing, even helped pull other areas together. She (and her second-shooter/hubby, Mark) were awesome to work with. And the outcome: fabulous (read in a singing tune)!

Check it out for yourself and then book her for your next [insert event where you need pictures here].

Here is a link to Ethan & Sarah’s pictures. Enjoy πŸ™‚

let me clarify…

After receiving many encouraging comments from yesterday’s post, which I most certainly appreciate, I felt as though I need to clarify something… I am completely happy with my marriage. Tim is wonderful. We both need to work at it a little harder, but we know that, and we are pursuing a healthy marriage very intentionally. Also, I know that when it is time for baby to come, I know it will happen. I am really happy with how things are right now.

I am not directing this post towards anything, I just wanted to tell you that: yes, we struggle, that’s marriage. But we are fighting for what is good for our marriage. I also wanted to post yesterday’s post b/c I want to be real with you. Again, I REALLY appreciate all of the wisdom some of you have shared with me. It is SO appreciated.

I think that is the most random blog post title ever. Be prepared, this post is equally random…

If you know anything about me, you know that I have wanted a kid for years now. I have wanted a baby to hold and snuggle with. I have wanted a toddler to play silly games with. I have wanted a child to pour my heart and soul into. I have yearned for that connection. Don’t most women? Well, I kept thinking that I desperately wanted a child b/c it was my time to have one. I think I am learning that is so not true. You see, I am a very emotional, over-dramatic, fickle person. Some may not know the emotional part, I think everyone knows the fickle part. I think I am now learning that I agree with God, now is just not my time for a kiddo.

Tim and I have been married for about 2.5 years now. I will be very up front with you, it ain’t been easy. I love my husband SO much, but it has been hard. And NOT only b/c of him, but a lot of it is b/c of me. When the over-emotional/dramatic side of me gets involved (which is most of the time) I get extremely self-absorbed and want to shut everything and everyone out. That’s not easy when you are married. I have also wanted to bail out on everything, including the idea of having kids. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought, “we have so many problems, we have no right to have kids”. How foolish of me, and selfish. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we may have no place in having kids, but it isn’t b/c we have problems in our marriage (let me clarify: some people have marriage problems that should not have kids, at least while those problems still exist; this just does not apply to us). Anyway, I feel like I am going of on a rant. [I also want to state that I am not posting all of this to “whore” my personal journey to have more blog visits. Rather, to be real and truthful about what is going on. Believe me, I am holding back a lot. I really like the point that Los makes about this here.]

I put all of this out b/c I want to be real, more often. I LOVE the idea of a true community. I have seen it in other places and desperately desire it in my own life. It is not that it is not already there and waiting for me, I just have a hard time opening up to people. Which is odd b/c I am such an extrovert. Back to community: One thing I have really noticed, enjoyed and been encouraged by in this past year is the community I am in. One particular thing is sharing in our struggles. I can’t tell you how many times I have been encouraged by someone who has shared with me their own personal journey (victories & struggles) within their own marriage. I have no idea why, but it has had a huge impact on me lately hearing that other couples actually do have marriage problems similar to my own. And they stick it out. It pulls me away from looking at my own self so much, and causes me to look outward (that sounds much less positive than I hope it to). I just think it really is a beautiful thing: true community, not just knowing a lot of people and a lot about them.

All of that is rolled up into the whole biological clock thought process… While I have been waiting patiently to have a child, I have learned a lot about myself. I think the time between the wedding and bringing baby home that we are going thru is much needed. I have a lot of growing up to do still. I really don’t want to bring a child into my self-centered world, right now at least. Last night at church, I started to realize that while I think the babies in the nursery are so precious, holding them no longer makes me want to have one. Have I just desensitized myself towards babies? Or is the desire to have them slowly going away? Will I still want a big family in a couple of years if we keep waiting? Am I slowly coming away from desiring extravagant, unrealistic things for our family and becoming more realistic? Who knows? I know my husband will be happy if I am though πŸ˜‰

I know that this is a crazy, random post. I just wanted to share one of the many thought processes going on in my head right now. All of them just as random. πŸ™‚

I feel like I have a billion things going on right now. Work is crazy busy (and I LOVE it), school is intense and I get about one day a week to actually get to hang out with hubby. I have a lot going on needless to say, and with that, I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my noggin. Just wanted to list a few for ya to keep you updated πŸ™‚

  • I am a very fickle person. I mean, really. So now that I am in school, I kind of don’t want to be. I have really struggled with figuring out if I have made the wrong choice, whether I really want to be a teacher or not, or if I am just wanting to give up because it is hard (most likely the last one). Right now I am definitely staying in the program. I would have wasted a lot of money and let down a lot of people if I didn’t. Let me state that again, I AM staying in the program. This is just a thought process I have been going through lately.
  • I think I have told just about everybody that Tim and I plan to grow our family through adoption. I really am only interested in being pregnant once. I want to experience it, and then be done with it. Also, there are 143 BILLION orphans in the world. That number is too great to not be a part of decreasing that number, even if it is just a little. Also, I really feel that if you are a Christian, you should AT LEAST consider adoption. After all, you have been adopted into the Kingdom of God. So, with all of that said, Tim and I are praying about starting the process, and soon. I can’t tell you how excited I am. I know that it will still be about three more years before we bring home baby, but just beginning the journey is an amazing feeling. I am on the road to my child. That just makes me want to scream with joy πŸ™‚ We will first adopt from the Philippines. That is why I say the process will most likely take about three years. That is about how long it takes right now from that country, and I am prepared for that. I hope I don’t go crazy! Please be praying for us on that subject.
  • Can I just say that I LOVE my husband? Because I do. Because of certain events that have happened in our lives recently, he came to me the other day and said he wanted to be proactive about having a healthy marriage. He is great and has really followed through πŸ™‚
  • Please go check out the Real Hope For Haiti Rescue Center. They have an incredible ministry in Haiti. It is amazing what the Lord does through them. Right now, their funds are really low. They could use YOUR help. Please read over the blog and see what incredible things they do in Haiti and how they serve the people there. And, if you feel led, please donate to them. If you ever feel a calling to go serve the people of Haiti, they can hook you up. They love for volunteers to come and serve them.
  • Loving reading the blogs of those who went on the Compassion International trip to El Salvador. If you have never considered/prayed about Compassion International’s Child Sponsorship Program (sponsors like you pay $38 (in the U.S.) to meet the physical and spiritual needs of school-aged kids) please do so NOW. You will be forever changed.
  • Still keeping an open mind to serving young, possibly single mothers. It is amazing how so many opportunities have presented themselves in the past couple of weeks. I am excited to share in the near future.
  • I am REALLY wanting to get more involved in serving my community. I love my church family and they present so many opportunities to do this. I am thinking the previous point will be my vehicle to achieving this. I just want to get to know the people I am basically doing life with every day and don’t even know their names. I want to get to know who they are, what makes them tick, what their passions are, what is going on in their lives.
  • I have no idea when I will fit anything new into my life. I am SO busy all of the time. Any time I mention anything new to some of my close friends or Tim, they always ask when am I going to do that. Hopefully that will work itself out.
  • I am HORRIBLE with time management. I am such a procrastinator. I mean, really. And what is ridiculous is I HATE that about myself, but I do nothing about it. I think I heard on Dr. Phil before that it is because I am so self-centered, which is true. I really hope I grow up in that department, and soon!
  • I decided to take a break from Facebook for awhile. I did well, for one day. That evening I finally broke and got on. That was when I found out I had one friend that was pregnant and another having problems with her pregnancy. Look how much changes in that small amount of time. Needless to say, my very short break is over. Did I mention I don’t have much self-control either?

Okay, I think that is pretty much the jest of it. I am sure there is much more, but that is all I can think of for now.

Well, it does.

I love dancing movies. I love watching dancing. And back in the day, I loved to dance too (I still would love to, as long as it doesn’t involve pulling any muscles). I just love it. It makes me happy.

Even though I love dancing, I have NO rhythm. Whatsoever. My husband has LOTS of rhythm, but hates to dance. How does that work out.

Anyway, one of my favorite scenes in a movie is from Hitch. I have even tried to replicate the steps. In the safety of my own home of course. With the blinds closed. I just think it is SO fun πŸ™‚

My husband loves me. And because of that, he danced to a “fast” dance with me at our wedding. Which I LOVED, and he hated. He only did it for me, which makes me love it that much more. I really wanted our wedding to be unique, and to have dancing. We def. had dancing, and it was so much fun. But I have to say, this couple has shown us how it is done. I think this is so great and burst into laughter every time I see it! Enjoy πŸ™‚

(by the way, be prepared to laugh…loudly!)

True love needs no work

What a load of crap! Sorry if you feel that the above statement is true, but I do not. I truly and totally love my husband and he loves me, but we HAVE to work at it daily! And from what I understand, this is the general consensus amongst most married couples.

Now you might be in one of those relationships where everything just magically happens and is easy. BUT, you are the exception. And in a lot of cases (not all, but a lot), if you think things are easy, it is because you are not working on those hard issues.

What brought this on? you might ask. I read somewhere that Vanessa Hudgins (you know, High School Musical) said, “If it is true love, you shouldn’t have to work at it”. Great. Then the article went on to say that Zac (her beau) came in the room, she ran up to him and rubbed his belly and he threw his arm around her. “Their actions spoke louder than any statement she could make”. Again with the load of crap.

This makes me so sad that this is what most teenage girls are looking to. Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to….vent.

One more thing: yes, marriage is hard. Yes, there are a lot of arguments that are unnecessary and ridiculous, but I am thankful for necessary and/or ridiculous. Working through all of the hard stuff has brought us so much closer and has made us learn more about each other and work it out.

Ok, stepping down now πŸ˜‰

I know, I know. I have neglected you. I am sorry. I have just been in a funk lately. Not like I am in a bad mood or anything. I just haven’t known what to tell you. A lot has happened though. Fun times. So, to try to catch you up somewhat, I am going to use the good ole bullet points. πŸ™‚

  • Started the new job….and am loving it.
  • Gone to a meeting about traveling to Ethiopia in June.
  • Trying to learn how to use a Mac after using a PC during my entire experience with computers.
  • Said Happy Birthday to both of my sisters.

    Diana and Necie

    Diana and Necie.

  • Read the entire Twilight series…including Midnight Sun (yes, I am still in middle school).
  • Learning more and more everyday how much I need to start some sort of exercise routine.
  • Started the book “Sacred Marriage” with my love
  • planned a girls weekend for the end of February (YAY!!)
  • Figured out that I need better glasses (my prescription now is from at least 5 years ago)
  • went to an Old Crow Medicine Show concert (it was GREAT!)
  • Have been learning more about adoption , not that we will be adopting any time soon…but it doesn’t hurt.
  • Started a sponsoring relationship with Daphene from Haiti.
  • began to think about the future

I think that is all for now. I promise to try harder on this thing πŸ˜‰ I am keeping up with all of you through Google Reader. And when I don’t have to come to my blog to get to you, it is easy to not keep it up. I hope everyone is great!

So like I said before, the past week and one-half has been a lot more eventful than expected…or wanted. Saturday morning we slept in. It was glorious! The night before we had rented a lot of movies (like 6 movies for only $9 at Food City Video), so I just lounged around for a couple of hours eating and watching movies. Tim decided that he wanted to be a little more productive so he scrubbed down the bathroom.

After he was done cleaning the bathroom he went and started fooling around in the kitchen. All of a sudden I heard water hitting a surface in the bathroom. I thought the shower head may be draining (even though I have never noticed it doing that before). I asked Tim what he thought it was, and then we both went to investigate. It was not the shower head. It was water pouring out of the air vent!

Tim and I kind of freaked out for about a minute, then we went into action. We got buckets and towels together b/c there was A LOT of water coming out. He called emergency maintenance while I tended to the leak. The 8 gallon bucket was filling up in about 2 minutes each time. Then the water started leaking through the ceiling above the shower (at least that one was a little more convenient).

In the end, the water was coming through our closet, bathroom and hallway. And in the midst of it all, it started coming through our fire alarm, causing it to go off. The light fixtures are the globe kind and were filling up with water.

Through it all we could not help but laugh. It was just so crazy, and funny. Tim said that he didn’t know why he didn’t expect something like this week b/c nothing crazy has happened to him in awhile (he just doesn’t have a good memory).

Things are good now. We are still staying with family. We are hoping to move back in soon, and get things cleaned up (no matter how much it overwhelms me – we had to dump the entire contents of our closet into our bedroom and on top of our bed).

It is funny because through all of the craziness, I haven’t really been bothered much (besides my closet throwing up into my bedroom). I have actually had a good time, but I think it is because I have had Tim by my side. I love him, and he calms me (even if he is freaking out).

Don’t have much time now, but more to come later. Just wanted to share with you that not only did we have both vehicles break down last week, Saturday the water main burst flooding our apartment. We have been staying with family. I miss my bed. Pictures and details (I promise it will be shorter than the last post) to come…