As a teenager and even early 20-something I always would say, “I just don’t get along with other girls”. I thought that I was just a girl who did better with guy friends. Truth be told, I didn’t really care much about having guys as friends as much as receiving the attention they gave me. I just said I liked them as friends to justify it all in my own mind. But as I have gotten older, I have heard it come from the mouths of other girls too. It apparently is a pretty common statement. And yes, there are aspects of relationships with other women that are just not appealing. I for some reason always compare how I look to them (i.e. makeup, clothes, body, etc), there is usually more drama, you never really know what the other girl thinks of something or you don’t think you can speak your own mind, so on and so on. But I really don’t think those are the reasons I have stayed away from friendships with other females all of those years.

I in no way can speak for other women who have made the above statement, but I really do believe I have pursued friendships/relationships with guys more than girls because I felt more secure with myself… I was more affirmed (in a not so healthy way). I also stayed away from challenging the lies in my own head that I am not good enough, or even avoided challenging myself to be better. You see, in the past probably four or five years I have been pulled away from close relationships with men (besides with Tim, and he is seriously my best friend) due to being married. I was really lonely in the first couple of years of marriage b/c I did not know how to invest in relationships with other women. I literally would beg God to send me women to be friends with. And finally, after a couple of years, He answered my prayer (in HIS perfect timing).

Over the past couple of years I have really developed new friendships with other women. And honestly, they are completely different than relationships with guys. In no way am I stating that any past friendships with guys were not good, just different. Friendships with other women have challenged me to get over myself, to realize the purpose of the friendship is not to uplift my ownself, to learn how to really affirm one another in a way that has no hidden agenda, to be able to spur one another on to be better and it always be considered appropriate. I am a totally self-centered person a lot of the time. These new friendships have forced me to be even more real with myself and with others. Now, I might be a little too real at times, but I am SO much more comfortable with who I am. And yes, since beginning this season there has been drama, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, insecurities and so much more; but I have for some reason also been pushed to work through them moreso than ever before. I am thankful for every bit of that drama b/c it has made me better. I am becoming more secure in my Saviour than in myself or what someone else can offer me.

So, if you are a female and think you just can’t get along with other girls, I would like to challenge you to look deeper to find out why. Are you just allowing yourself to live in your own insecurities? Are you living a life unchallenged? I know I have and still do, but I am working on it and am SO glad for every new friendship God has brought into my life.

I know this is all so random, but I read another blog today and just in passing she mentioned she just struggled to connect with other women. You may not be hiding from your fear of connecting with other women in seeking attention from other guys, but you may be hiding from it in taking care of the details or just immersing yourself in the life of your kids. That is wonderful to be super involved with your kids, most definitely. But they also need to see you living out healthy friendships with others if they are ever going to know how to invest in others as well.

Also, this whole “seeking attention from guys” thing is something I dealt with in my past, hardcore. But, the Lord has saught me out, opened my eyes and healed me from it, mostly with a stubborn, thick skinned husband who loves me SO much and is unbelieveably loyal. He has allowed me to talk through this struggle and even prayed over me about it. For that I am incredibily thankful to be released from that stronghold. HE truly is good and faithful.