Do you ever feel that way? I do pretty often. I was wondering earlier this week if it is because I am really just a miserable person deep down. I hope not. I seem to be a pretty happy person on the outside, but that is not me. Truthfully, if I am not holding back, most of the time I am impatient, annoyed, self-serving and just want to be left alone. Please pray for me that my heart is changed. I DON’T want to stay this way at all. I know I have changed through my life, I have changed a lot. But it is not enough. For the most part I have gone from hiding in being the center of attention from facing my true self to just staying away from a whole lot of deep relationships.  Only the Lord can bring the change that I need. So why am I not holding on for dear life to Him. I am foolish, I know this. But that still does not motivate me.

Tonight I went out with friends to eat. I had so much fun. I am the one who brings the energy to the table. It can be fun for some, and annoying to others. I had a great time. And now I am back in bed for the night feeling a little blue. I hate mood swings. They frequent too much here.

I am kind of just rambling. Just wanted to get this out. I feel a little better now 🙂